In this post, we are going to examine the role of marriage in the faith journey of a child. Now, you may be thinking, isn’t marriage a long way away for my children. The answer is yes. But what we teach them now about God and about marriage in the way that we show them, will set the trajectory for the way they view marriage in the years to come. So, no pressure… Just kidding! 

So, marriage. Marriage is foundational to the spiritual journey of a child. Why? Because marriage is the earthly picture of Christ and his bride—the church. Today, we are going to examine Ephesians 5. So, let’s jump in:

Ephesians 5:1–2, Paul writes, “Therefore, be imitators of God, as dearly loved children, and walk in love, as Christ also loved us and gave himself as a sacrificial and fragrant offering to God.” 

So right up front, Paul gets to the heart of being followers of Christ… Imitate God. Imitate God in the way that we love each other. Imitate God in the way of our relationships. And do so, by walking in love. We walk in love by following God’s lead. He calls us to imitate God as “dearly loved children.” So, how did we become his children? He adopted us through Christ Jesus. We are his sons and daughters. Because of Jesus, we share in this love. Believers share the love of God because of what Jesus has done for us. We share this love through compassion and kindness. This is a characteristic of a believer. 

Then we love like the Son. Now, this is where the imagery gets pretty wild. Think about what God has done for us by sending his son to the cross to die for the sins of the world. He has displayed the ultimate love action. He loved us—people, who are sinful and dirty—so much so that he killed his son so that you and I could be his sons and his daughters. He did that for us! And think of loving like Jesus, the Son. Jesus took our place. He stood and stands in our place so that we don’t have to pay the penalty of our sin, which is death. He took that on for us and does so even now. That’s love. 

Now, flip with me a few verses over to Eph. 5:15–16. Paul says, ”Pay careful attention, then, to how you live—not as unwise people but as wise—making the most of the time, because the days are evil.”

We love like God because we must live wisely in this world and make the most of the time that he has given to us. While the days are evil, we make much of Christ who defeats evil. This is a daily reminder for us to live in this way. Our marriages should reflect this. We live in a time that says a lot of different things about marriage. Our day says marriage is simply a contract that can be torn up at any point. Yet, this is not the picture of marriage we find in the bible. We need to be wise in this world and redeem the time we have to point our children to Christ through our marriages. 

Next, let’s dive into Ephesians 5:22–33. Paul continues writing, saying, “Wives, submit^, to your husbands as to the Lord, ²³ because the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of the body. ²⁴ Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives are to submit to their husbands in everything. ²⁵ Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her ²⁶ to make her holy, cleansing her with the washing of water by the word. ²⁷ He did this to present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or anything like that, but holy and blameless. ²⁸ In the same way, husbands are to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. ²⁹ For no one ever hates his own flesh but provides and cares for it, just as Christ does for the church, ³⁰ since we are members of his body. ³¹ For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.^{, 32} This mystery is profound, but I am talking about Christ and the church. ³³ To sum up, each one of you is to love his wife as himself, and the wife is to respect her husband.”

This passage of scripture is one of the most debated and abused in the entire bible. I want to bring some clarity to it for us. It’s important for us to know what the context is and why it is important here. In our marriages, we want to show our children and the world that we know God’s word and trust God’s word. We want to display Christ in our marriage for his glory. Your marriage is an extension of God’s glory on display. 

What we see in this passage is what a Spirit-filled marriage looks like. God is most glorified when we see our marriages through the eyes of Christ and his church. Marriage here on earth is a reflection or a picture of Christ’s relationship to the local church. 

To set the stage, we need to look at spirit-filled relationships in v. 18–21. To sum up this short section, Paul describes what it’s like to be Spirit-filled and provides the effects of being Spirit-filled. In v. 18 be filled with the Spirit and nothing else. Starting in v. 19, we find the effects:

• Singing (v. 19)
• Giving thanks (v. 20)
• Submitting (v. 21)

When we see that these effects are for both the husband and the wife, we see the marriage relationship differently. Many times we jump directly to v. 22–33 without seeing the context in which those words were written. In this context, we find that our marriages should be consumed by two people who are filled with the Spirit of the Living God. 

In his exhortation, we find that Paul addresses the covenant of marriage. Dr. Tony Merida, Pastor of Imago Dei Church in Raleigh, NC writes, “We need to affirm the covenant nature of marriage: it is permanent, sacred, intimate, mutual, and exclusive. We should realize that Christ, not marriage, is ultimate. Our primary loyalty must be to Jesus. While we must, by the Spirit’s help, nurture our marriages, we must also remember the fleeting nature of marriage. Marriage in this life is a shadow of the ultimate marriage of Christ and His bride.” 

From this understanding, let’s dive in a little deeper. 

Paul first addresses the wife. What does a Spirit-filled wife look like?

Submission. Now, I want to debunk a myth! Many people struggle with this word—submission. But when we look at marriage within the context of the entirety of Scripture, we find that submission is the word that all believers find themselves wrestling with. The whole Christian life is about submission. So, submission is not just for a wife, but also for the husband. It’s the life of those who know and follow Christ. 

Wives submit to their husbands who are willing to die for her! The husband should be the first to apologize, forgive, and serve. Did we catch that? Husband, you should be the first to apologize, forgive, and serve. No questions asked. Our children need to see husbands living out the way God designed them to lead and serve their families. 

We see the picture of both the husband and the wife having equal value in the relationship, but having different roles within marriage. Think of something that works in complement of something else. For example, think of a dance. I love to dance. We have dance parties fairly often in our home. Now my boys would tell you that I’m not the greatest dancer. Nevertheless, when you see two dancers working together, they complement each other. One person leads, and one person responds. Both are necessary for the dance to work and be successful. When they work together and complement each other, something beautiful transpires on the dance floor. Same in marriage. When the wife and the husband work together and complement each other, a beautiful dance takes place. 

So, wives must revere Christ through proper submission to and respect for her husband. Paul is clear in his instruction for a Spirit-filled wife. A wife submits and respects her spirit-filled husband, in a loving relationship, not one of tyranny. We must be careful and reject all improper teachings of this passage. Scripture is not talking about something akin to slavery, subversion, or a top-down chain of command. This is not a picture of a wife completely being over backward to meet the needs of an abusive, tyrannical husband. This is a picture of a wife who lovingly follows her spirit-filled husband’s lead. 

Just as the church submits to the leading of Jesus, the wife submits to the leading of the husband. So you may be asking why? 

The answer is this… Spirit-filled husbands will do anything and everything for their wife, even being willing to die for her to protect her and see her succeed. This is the picture of Christ and his substitutionary death on the cross for the church. He died for the church—the people—so they could thrive in his finished work on the cross. He died so life could happen. 

Let’s now move to Spirit-filled husbands. Guys, Paul instructs us to love our wife just as Christ loves his church and gave himself up for her. That’s a massive kind of love. That’s a type of love that our culture does not understand. That’s a kind of love that is sacrificial, sanctifying, and ultimately satisfying. 

It’s sacrificial love. Here is how that is. Christ willingly gave his life for all people. He died the death that the entire world deserved to die. He died to fulfill what the Father had planned from the beginning. He died in a submissive form to the will of the Father. He died for you and for me. He died for his church so it could live and thrive. Husbands this is the type of love we have towards our wives. Marriage is a call to die. Yes, you heard me correctly. It’s a call to die. It’s a call to die to ourselves, and giving ourselves to our brides. It’s a call to put our schedules, our desires, and even our good ambitions to the side should we need to do so. It’s also a call to serve. There is no better way to show the world what serving looks like than to serve your wife with Christ-like love. 

Spirit-filled husbands love in a way that is sanctifying. Christ died to make his bride holy, to make her clean, and provide a way for her to grow in his likeness. Husbands, while we are not Jesus, and we cannot make our wives holy by our actions, we can make sure that we provide our wives the opportunities to grow in her relationship with the Lord. We should love our wives so that it helps her grow in the likeness of Jesus. 

What does this look like? When was the last time you set aside time to spend time in God’s word together? I’m not talking about looking at the same bible on a Sunday morning in a worship service, but intentionally spending time reading, and praying through God’s word together? Be concerned for your wife’s spiritual well-being. Care for her soul. 

Finally, spirit-filled husbands love in a way that is satisfying. Paul tells husbands to love their wife as their own body. He uses the language: no one ever hates his own flesh but provides and cares for it. Guys, just as you look after your own self, you should look after and care for your spouse. Husbands you provide joy, security, health, peace, companionship, community, and intimacy for your bride. Just as the church is fully satisfied with Christ, husbands and wives should be fully satisfied with each other. 

The key here for all of this is the fact that being spirit-filled only comes by the work of Jesus. It has nothing to do with what we bring to the table, but only by the grace and mercy of Christ that we can live our lives and live out our marriages in this light. We need to provide our children a proper view of marriage and what better way than to model it for them on a daily basis. 

Remember our key takeaway from this session:

You are not only raising your children today, but you are setting them on a course of how they will view marriage and family in the future. Today we are raising tomorrow’s husbands and wives, fathers and mothers. 

As you consider what we have just studied, I want us to reflect on these questions: 

1. Are there areas in your marriage that need to be worked on? What are those areas?
2. What action points do you and your spouse intend to take to strengthen your marriage and display Christ to your children?